to hell with you

(I want to curl up somewhere and not wake up. Forever.)

Image from Poignant.

Today's a freaking bad day.
Don't ask.
I'm in a fuck-you-go-away-I'll-hit-you mood.
Yes if you can read my mind you'll be shocked at the number of 'fuck' I used.
I love banging things on table just for the sound effect now.

I don't bloody want to turn up in school tomorrow.
Fuck it why are we still having lessons.
I don't want to do the damn geog presentation.
Fucking screwed that's what we are.
Always saying we're going to rehearse but seriously, I bet if we have 5 hours we won't even have gone through a single time.
I got to be luckier/smarter next time.
And not get stuck with them.

And band camp?
I know we're screwed.
And we still have to go on screwing up.
SC camp is not any better.
Why don't anybody just get the fact I don't like mixing with those people and I never will no matter how hard I try because we just don't mix.

I'm not your enthusiastic-come-on-let's-go-for-it girl.
I'm your damn-you-I-don't-want-to-do-this-leave-me-alone freak.
So just leave me alone with my freakiness alright?
Don't force me to do things I don't like to do.
Optimism will just bounce back.
And don't you dare retort me with a "If you haven't try how would you know?" because I tried before, that's how I know.

I don't think I'm being difficult.
It's not like I didn't put in any effort to like things I do.
But it's either I don't like it or I don't get appreciated.
I know you're supposed to do nice things for people because you want to be nice, but I'm not a fucking robot, I need some encouragement as well no?
They always say love is generous.
But I can't continue giving without knowing that I am loved back.
So screw you, I really don't like this world.