i don't need you to keep me happy

(Yes, I can be alone.)

Image from poignant.

Trying to think things through.
I don't need to rely on people to make me happy.
I need to stand alone and know if I'm capable of keeping myself happy, seeing if I'll survive.
And first step to that is to dislodge everything I've been desperately clinging onto from my heart.
It's difficult, it's making me cry buckets, it's a whole lot of confusion but - it'll be worth it.
If I can be happy on my own, I'll be happy always.
Why grasp onto someone if that someone's not gonna stay?
Not gonna love you back as much as you do?
What are you going to do?

So. I'm going to change.
I'm not going to take the initiative all the time.
I don't see why you can't, just sometimes.
It's not being lazy over maintaining a relationship, it's about a mutual giving and receiving.
I'm giving till I'm tired, and I'm not doing it anymore.

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to be alone, standing out from the others.
And I think I don't mind that for myself, too.
I'm not happy staying with the people now, so why stay?
I'm not happy when I'm suddenly alone when I used to be clinging onto people, so why cling onto them?

I hope I'm making the right decision.
My eyes are freaking swollen and my head hurts.
Talk about spontaneous.