My motivation to study hard! *but I got no money ahem*

recess week

Because I hardly ever blog and because I'm an organizing freak this is (or was) how my recess week looks like (or has went by).

Saturday - Teach tuition, watched running man, slack
Sunday - Church, slack some more
Monday (where all angst comes from) - biathlon marketing meeting, nm consultation, project discussion, biathlon recce
Tuesday - biz law project, lunch, (idk where the rest of the day went to)
Wednesday - mno project, late lunch, now slogging over mno
Thursday - die die must mug, meeting with sponsors, come back mug again
Friday - korean bbq with the girls, more project + mugging
Saturday - tuition again, mug mug mug
Sunday - church, slack the day away because I'm resigned

And a lot of stupid things happened this week which I couldn't make sense of/couldn't be bothered to make sense of. Just missing everyone and feeling sad that I don't have enough time to spend with everyone :'( So many canceled dates which I have to make up and I hope I don't have to keep canceling because I'm busy.

ANDDDDDDDDDD, I really don't know what I should do with you. Too many things to think about :/

2013

So... A new year and a new start. So many things have happened in the last year that I have lost count, but I'm still very thankful for everything that has came along and for all the new things I have learnt. Just last year, I've tried out many new things on my own - learning Korean, having an office job, teaching tuition, learning guitar, went Taiwan with friends, got my own room, went Bangkok just to shop, start university, made new friends, stayed alone at home for a week and many more. It was a great year filled with blessings and looking back, I am amazed at how much I've taken so many things for granted.

Of course, this holidays had been extremely boring and mind numbing as I mostly stayed home and did nothing. And I guess it's time to drag myself out of this pool of sickening dullness before the new semester starts. Especially if I am to take another module.

In 2013, there are many more things I would like to do, such as: pass driving, applying for exchange, do an internship, go for another trip with friends, try out new food places in Singapore, learn more Korean, learn how to cook, learn how to pick strings on the guitar (this I totally fail at), improve my singing, learn new piano songs, go to the library and borrow random books at least once a month, do more exercise, eat healthier, sleep more, build closer friendships and continuously self reflect. It's my last year (or less than a year) of being a teen and hence I believe it's time to be more independent and mature and hence I'm gonna resolve to be less emotionally unstable and to be more logical and reasonable in everything that is going to come.

On a religious note, I have definitely not been doing as much as I should be doing and while I continuously get into a slump over my daily quiet time, I hope that at the very least I'll improve this year. Hoping for spiritual renewal and growth in 2013!

And because I am frivolous like that, I just had to add that I'm totally looking forward to watching Les Miserables tomorrow. Expecting myself to be in a total heartbreak after that and probably sobbing my eyes out :(

angst at its max

i hate everyone right now.

regular angst

Really hate being told to do things, especially if I'm already in the midst of doing/have plans to do it. It makes me feel like I'm immature and irresponsible to the point that I need to be told to do things. And of course, while I admit that I do not do housework like all the time, but there are days I actually do help out and I want to do it out of my own accord. And then you have to spoil it by calling up and telling me to do so and so. Can you blame me for rolling my eyes and wanting to just slam the phone down? I don't know if it's just me that has a bad temperament or if it happens to everybody but this is so stressful and it just gives me so much angst and I just want to scream at you to ask you to shut up and let me do my own things. I am not stupid nor am I only 7 years old for goodness sake.

I don't like how I always have to make the first move.

even the sun sets in paradise

exasperated to the maxxxxxxxxxxxx. why is buying textbooks such a difficult process :(

#tooeasilystressedout

-

what is this madness

meditation

So many things going on and it's driving me crazy.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

last day of work

So... 35 more minutes to my last day of work! Supposed to be writing letters but somehow I'm busy surfing the net. Hmmm.

Super not looking forward to uni starting.

Shall start on my first out of 30+ letters now.

/

Awesome. Going to finish all the managers' first :/ WHY AM I DOING THIS. HAHA.

/

TEN MORE TO GO. Think I really will sleep at 2. Well well well.

/

Finally done! And.... it's 1.50am. WOW.

I'm hungry.

while trying to be intellectual...

So. Today is the day of the interview. And in a bid to read up so that I don't sound like a silly, toad-in-the-well apathetic Singaporean teenager later, I'm going to try out my views for the some policies (?) drafted out in the Budget 2012.

Is that an overly formal introduction or what? But anyway, I digress.

First thing, the long debated issue of foreign workers and productivity. I think that it makes sense to actually reduce the quota and lessen our reliance on foreign workers in the long run, whether economically or socially. Why is that so? We are currently using foreign workers as a mean to reduce costs in the form of wages while trying to keep output constant or even increase. (And, I'm really sorry for using the wrong terminologies because I totally gave up Econs ever since 'A' levels ended so please, don't come after me with a knife just because I got my concepts mixed up.) But this form of cost reduction is not going to help in the long run and we should hence invest in long-term cost saving methods such as plants and machinery.

Okay that totally sounded like some essay I've been assigned to as homework.

Guess I'll just have to smoke my way through later.

flowers and bees

Things I want to get:

- floral/coloured blazer

- denim vest

- tribal print bag

- black pumps

- ribbon hairties

sounded like footsteps on the stairs

Had a pretty good day considering all that's happened in the morning.

Met Daphne and Kristal for our cycling trip at East Coast Park. And Jiazhen had very kindly took a tandem bike with me because my sense of balance is like zilch. And seriously, she is SUPER steady. Like super duper uber steady. Felt like I was in very good hands :) Visited the Bedok jetty and the wind was as good as any air-conditioning. A veryyyy good place to meditate.

Went to parkway for dinner at Swensens and shared pasta with Daphne :) mushroom and salmon pasta! Superrrr delicious I didn't even bother taking a photo (as if I have the habit of taking photos) of it. Then went all the way to udders for ice cream and then bus-ed back home.

Awesome, awesome, awesome day.

And I am only looking forward to going Bangkok to shopping now. The list just grows haha.

summer and everything nice

assassin fashion 101

what I would totally wear to kill someone.

the mouth is a mirror

Was re-reading some of my previous posts and realised I was such a chatty bird.

Been feeling all weird and touchy ever since school ended and it feels like I don't communicate well with people anymore. I don't even understand how I could have made friends in the past when I suck at maintaining friendships. Is this something that happens to everybody or is it just me? (And I will definitely cringe when I read this 3 years later, but I don't care.)

And I really tried my best to start conversations with everyone but it's really superficial at best. Like I don't even know what to say and the other person don't know what to say and we just end up not saying anything and I'm feeling like :S inside. And everyone's busy with their own things or have their own friends and so on and I'm like... No life.

I seriously doubt it's normal to have such rants at my age but then again I was always slow and the uptake and had problems developing socially. And I most definitely do not want to come across as clingy or needy or whatever. Just that it takes effort to be cool about everything. But I guess I'll survive. Talk about adolescent angst.

Take tomorrow for example. It's like everything you do you consult her. And it's like you forgot I existed. You never start a conversation and sometimes don't even reply. But of course things happen and people change. So guess what, I'm not going to show you how much I rely on you anymore. No more consulting you whenever I make decisions, no more taking for granted that whatever we do we'll do it together, no more assuming that you are going to put in effort in this relationship.

One word to sum it up: whatever.

zero inspiration

I probably rolled off the wrong side of bed today.

So this morning:

- took out clothes to dry

- shower

- put my own clothes in the washing machine

- breakfast

- changed my blogskin

- read about bangkok

- took out clothes in the washing machine to dry... and managed to drop my mom's pants on the ledge below. So I took the prong look-alike pole in vain hopes to hook it back up... but it just fell on the bamboo poles downstairs ._. Went down to get it back but nobody was home. Such is life.

Now:

- marking my sister's practice papers. But I'm actually just checking out blog posts on shopping in Bangkok.

Later:

- going all the way to Jurong to meet Crystal for some window shopping and ice skating. What are the chances that I'll last for 2 hours?

I actually meant to write longer but I'm supposed to have lunch/pack and head out now.

I thought you were okay. But now I'm going to kill you.

Seriously, kids nowadays...

come back to me again

To do tomorrow:

- Wash clothes

- Wash cups

- Boil water

- Sweep and mop the floor

- Make breakfast

- Make lunch

- Slack

a blessed day indeed

Wonderful day out with Crystal! Indeed, this week is pretty good so far... Maybe the power of April is there.

1/4, Sunday: Had church (which was very therapeutic, in a strange sense). Enjoyed singing with the choir on Sundays after so long, though someone took my choir robe hmm... Then gave tuition till about 4+ and enjoyed a long bus ride home. Went grocery shopping with mom to stock up on food when she's overseas, and guess what, I bought my first chocopie ever. It's really good (I'm craving for one right now). We got frozen cheesecake, which I need to clear soon (whoever thought that frozen cheesecake is a good idea? I'm so not a fan of cheese.) and chocolates. Mom made brownies from the premix and it's still as good as ever, just that I prefer it cold. Wore Denise's cat chiffon dress with my hairband together with purple cat earrings.

2/4, Monday: Woke up at 6+ hearing my mom's voice right outside my bedroom window (she's flying off that morning). Went to the window and pulled her hair and saw that it was raining ultra heavily. So she came in to wait for the rain to cease but it didn't work, so I got pulled out of bed at 7 to help her hail a cab. And that is how I ended up with a huge umbrella, in my pajamas, without brushing my teeth/hair, standing in the rain hailing a cab. And 2 people hailed the cabs in front of us so I was just praying... And praying... And it was because of God's grace that a cab came out from the junction right in front of us such that we get the cab instead of the people standing all the way in front. So I went back and crash... all the way till 12 (the horror :O) First assignment when I woke up was to wash clothes, and hang them out to dry. Then I rushed off to meet Sheryl for a day of cookbooks and food. Oh how I love cookbooks (only those with pictures though). Had my first macaroon (raspberry and hazelnut... They tastes so good, though it reminds me of mentos), Chippy's BFF with chicken gravy dip which Sheryl absolutely hates, and ice cream red tea. And then I head back home for a good rest and to tutor... Which was also a good session :) Though I stayed up waaaaaay beyond my bedtime till 4am. Doing what exactly, I don't know.

3/4, Tuesday: Woke up at 9+ to do housework (because sleeping all the way till 12 is just too obvious. I had to run like a mouse when I heard my dad coming back from work and pretend that I'm asleep, then creep to brush my teeth while he's showering... It's not good.) Slacked around at home and had an impromptu movie session with dad... Wrath of the Titans. The cast is amazingly good-looking! And a pretty good film I would say. But I still want to watch the Hunger Games.

4/4, Wednesday: Lovely day out with Crystal! Rushed out the house after painting my nails dark blue (I absolutely love this colour. Though my skills...) Had a lot of fun picking out snacks and I bought 3 pairs of earrings as well. Sat in KFC and talked non-stop, followed by another session in the food court, before going off to church for worship practice. Met Xuexun at the MRT and chatted a while on the way. I actually enjoy playing the keyboard. So excited for Sunday!

So... Hopefully the rest of the week goes good too! Goodnight :)