i have no idea how to express this

But I am in such a bloody bad mood now.
I'm failing tests, assignments, etc etc.
I can't concentrate on studies, piano, etc etc.
If you calculate all the etc(s) you'll know how screwed up I am.

I am not trying to be emo.
I am not even emo (or so I believe).
I'm just bloody sick of life.
Sick of being forced to do things I don't want to do.
Sick of having to face all the people I don't want to face.
Sick of having all the expectations of myself which I cannot reach.
And therefore I conclude I am not having moodswings, but am seriously fucked up and everything.

You tell me how to pace my life.
You tell me how to balance all my school work (and I haven't start on personal stuff yet.)
You tell me how to make time move slower.
You tell me how to survive on 2 hours of sleep everyday.
You tell me how to reply to all the messages I do not want to see.
You tell me how to help myself when I am so bloody clueless on what to do.

Why don't you tell me?
And yes you'll tell me I have to solve my own problems and it's part of growing up blahblahblah.
This is not problems.
This is one giant problem made up of many problems.
And I seriously cannot solve it.

Will you just give in and do everything you're made to do because it's commitment?
I know it's a commitment, I just don't understand why we must sit there and listen to how to be leaders.
It's not like we haven't heard enough.
It's not like we don't know.
It's not like just talking about it will change anything.
It's part of your personality, your natural talent.
You think those murderers don't know killing people is wrong?
But they still do it anyway.

There's only 24 hours a day.
And I'm not some robot that can churn out answers within 2 seconds.
I'm sorry I guess.
I'm just not up to that standard.
I just don't love what you guys love.
I just can't bring myself to accept that commitment which in my opinion is redundant.
In fact I totally can just screw everything up.